Why Can't I Lose Weight with Diet and Exercise?
If hating your body into health actually worked, you'd probably be 20 pounds lighter by now.
In reality, shame doesn't make you lose a single pound.
I had a client who was on a weight loss journey for over 10 years. She ate healthy, she worked out, she did everything "right." She would weigh herself every single day, and that number on the scale determined her mood, her self-worth, whether she was "good" or "bad" that day. Weight really determined her worth in her eyes.
When we were able to stop the shame spiral and break that daily weigh-in ritual, that client lost 30 pounds and kept it off.
So if you eat healthy and workout and can't lose weight, this one concept might be your missing piece too.
We can't hate our bodies into health because if shame worked, we'd all be super healthy and never struggling with a thing! Unfortunately being mad at ourselves and talking down to ourselves is really easy, but it’s not helping us get where we want to be.
Why the Shame Cycle Keeps You Stuck
Let's think about it for a second. If you're getting up every morning, looking in the mirror while getting dressed, and you don't like what you see, what happens next?
I'm not saying you need to immediately look in the mirror and go, "I'm exactly where I want to be. I'm amazing. I love myself." Because if that's not true, your brain's going to know you're lying to yourself and it's not actually going to work.
But let's stop for a second and think: If you loved the body you were in, you loved your weight, you were super happy with it, you loved how much energy you had, you loved what you saw when you looked in the mirror, how would you show up every day?
You would probably choose meals that sustained and nourished and rewarded yourself.
You would probably look in the mirror and think, "Love ya!"
You would probably get out and move because it made you feel good.
You would spend time with people.
You would have joy.
You would have community.
All these things that we're putting on the back burner because we're going to wait until we feel great or wait until we feel worthy? Those are actually the things that are going to help get you there.
Joy, Community, & Movement Aren’t Just Nice-to-Haves
These are actually essential for your body to feel safe enough to let go of weight! When you're stressed, when you're constantly criticizing yourself, when you're in punishment mode. your body is in survival mode. And bodies in survival mode hold onto weight.
We really underestimate the power of oxytocin. And how do we get it? Giving somebody a hug, community, finding joy. Oxytocin is seriously underrated when it comes to our overall health and yes, our ability to lose weight.
So when you eat healthy and workout and can't lose weight, the solution isn't more restriction, more punishment, or more self-hatred. Often, it's addressing the stress and shame that's keeping your body stuck in protective mode.
The Scale Trap
I have a lot of clients who weigh themselves every day. The idea of throwing away the scale hurts, like literally a deep, settling hurt, because it's how they measure their worth every day and it sets up their mood.
The scale is down? Great. I'm doing awesome.
The scale is up? I suck, I'm not doing great. I hate how this looks.
We constantly belittle ourselves.
Now, I'm not saying that you can't want to change your body at all. I think that we can want to improve our body simply because we actually love it. Health is truly such a gift that we can give ourselves, and because we truly love ourselves, that is why we're stepping into this.
Truly loving ourselves means giving ourselves energy, giving ourselves sleep, nourishing our bodies. It's not because we hate ourselves.
Actionable Steps to Break the Shame Cycle Today
Alright, let's go through some actionable steps you can start today.
Step 1: Become Aware of Your Inner Mean Girl
The first step is literally just going to become aware of every single time you say something nasty to yourself or think something nasty to yourself.
Sometimes this happens so fast we don't even realize there's a thought we're thinking before there is an action.
Maybe every time you eat something yummy like chocolate or Swedish candy, you immediately go, "I can't believe I did that. I can't believe I was so weak. I can't believe I had cravings."
Maybe you put on an outfit and you're like, "If I would have worked harder yesterday, this would fit better."
Maybe you go on a walk, not because there's fresh air and it makes you feel good and it gives you energy and it sensitizes your cells to insulin. You go on a walk because you ate a donut and it's a punishment.
First, we have to become aware of these reactions so we can shift them.
Step 2: Write Down and Release the Negative Thoughts
Start writing down those negative thoughts in a notebook. Then scratch them out. Tear up the paper. Burn it. Do anything to help remind yourself: No, this is done.
Would you say these things to your daughter? To your niece? To your best friend?
We have this inner mean girl that just lives there and says the nastiest things that you would never say to someone you love! So don’t say it to yourself either.
Step 3: Keep a Running List of Proof
In the notes section of your phone, keep a running list of proof of the opposite. You have to really be able to believe the opposite.
Why are you choosing nourishing food? Notice how I didn't say "good food" or "clean food," because food doesn't have a moral code. Nourishing food is simply food that nourishes your body.
Why would you do that?
I'll tell you why I do it. I'm breastfeeding, so I have to fuel like an athlete. I am prepping my body to prevent Alzheimer's because Alzheimer's is type three diabetes in the brain. I want to be able to run with my kids. I want to be able to play sports with my boys. I want to be strong. In the future, I want to be able to play with my grandkids. I want to be walking when I am 95.
That's why I do it. That's why I make those choices, because I love myself. I love my body and that's what I want to do. That's how I have to fuel in order to get there. That's why I get my steps in. That's why I build muscle.
Your reasons may be different than mine, and that's okay.
But here's what kind of stuff goes on that list:
I was able to walk farther today and I had energy after I did it
I love the way my hair looks when I wear it this way
I love how my skin glows in the morning
I love how I feel after a workout
I love how I show up for my friends and family when I eat well
I love how stable my mood is when I balance my blood sugar
I just ran around with my kids
I grew three babies and birthed three babies
I'm up at night breastfeeding and I still take care of my kiddos
All of these things about why you are amazing and why your body is amazing! You need to be your biggest hype person.
When we can do that and start choosing the things that nourish our body because of that? That's sustainable. That you can keep going. That you see results with.
Your Brain Will Always Try to Prove You Right
When you feel like nothing is working for you over and over and over and over again, think about what thought you're practicing over and over again.
Your brain is always going to come in and try to prove you correct. That is neuroplasticity at its best.
Neuroplasticity is the ability of your brain to change over time. But if we keep practicing the same habit over and over, like thinking things like, "Nothing works for me. This sucks. I don't like my body,” your brain is just thinking, "Yep, you're right. And I'm going to prove it to you every single day."
But instead, if we start focusing on the other side and finding proof for that, your brain's going to be like, "Yep, you're right. Let me show you."
Don't become a self-fulfilling prophecy of the negative things. Become a self-fulfilling prophecy of the positive things!
Start Here, Start Today
I'm not saying this is easy. This is a daily brain rewiring, a daily habit that you have to start making because you've probably been trash-talking yourself for many, many years.
Nobody wants to be around a mean person all the time. And that's essentially what you're doing to yourself.
So start here:
Writing out the negative thoughts and burn them, scratch them out, tear them up, throw them in the wind, get rid of them
Keep a running list of the opposite to remind yourself on your phone
Every time you catch yourself with awareness, ask: Would I say that to my daughter or my best friend?
And if the answer is no, don't say it to yourself. What would you say instead if you were talking to your niece or your daughter?
When you can do this and when you start choosing things that nourish your body because you love it, not because you hate it, that's when everything shifts. That's when your body feels safe. That's when weight comes off and stays off.
Diet and exercise alone aren't enough if you're doing them from a place of punishment and shame.
We do this work with our clients all the time in the Hormone Reset Program®, and we go really, really deep with that brain rewiring. Here’s what a few clients have had to say about their weight loss results!
“I have lost about 20 pounds which is crazy!”
“I have noticed my bloat has gone down, I have more energy during the day, and my stress levels are WAYYY BETTER especially now that I’m in my luteal phase I can tell the difference. I am typically irritable during this time and overly stress. Oh and my cravings for salt and sugar during luteal phase has gone down a bit!”
Ready to finally release the weight and negative self-talk?
Let’s uncover the root cause of why you eat healthy and workout and can't lose weight. Book your free call with my team for an inside look at the Hormone Reset Program®. She'll walk you through what it's really like to get support, answer your questions honestly, and help you see whether this is the right step.
